Saturday, October 14
perplexity of choice and the burden of existence
if eternal life were to stare at one in the face
a man would choose to run away.
if each second was a unbreakable unit of time
flowing in an unending, continuous stream
spring to summer, autumn to winter
what else is there but endless torture that bears down man with crushing regularity.
there are two extremities
the first is having too much to do and too little time
an eternity overturns this equation
it takes it halfway round a mobius strip
if one views existence sub specie aeterni
he will be thrown into an abyss
pinned down by eternity
with nothing left to do
such a man is immobilized
by his sheer being
for there is no nothingness left to lift him up
no end in sight
each moment is no longer a means to an end
yet it cannot be an end in itself
it's a cruel thought
that man is free, and responsible for each of his actions
it's the heaviest burden of all
the burden of existence
it is a burden of freedom
yet people yearn to break free
they fight for the freedom of speech
without exercising their freedom of thought
out of fear of the consequences
of the choices that they make
they fight for the freedom to choose
for they have the specific choices in mind
not realizing that each action one takes
is a choice in itself
the weight of an infinity
be it the never-ending passage of time
or the multitude of matter
it is the burden of what cannot be seen by the eyes
but must be felt by the heart
the burden of a void
the void that is the aspiration that one is to become
or the void of the insanity and vanity of a meaningless existence
we are tossed between two extremes
each choice is a burden
but to abjure responsibility
to flit from day to day
to unburden oneself
is to bear the lightness of being
there are two kinds of anathematized men
the former is a man, held down in chains of human bondage
and the latter is cursed, to never be able to hold on to anything
there are men who fight for freedom
in the face of oppression by higher powers.
such men contest the leverage of deterministic forces
they are afraid
but out of love for what they fight for
their fear is forgotten.
there are also the men who deny the shackles of individual choice
such men are the heaviest
and the lightest of all
to choose not to choose
is to choose not to bear the burden of choice
but unwittingly,
such men have chosen for themselves a new kind of burden
to be subjugated by authority
to be fatalistic
to blame circumstances
they choose to say 'i've got no choice.'
there is no greater loneliness
that that of being morally alone
it is the fear of this
that we drag others down when we fall
fearing that if we fall we should fall, abandoned
it is by this fear
that we choose to conform ourselves
to the expectations of the people around us
so that we might be justified
and not be estranged and alienated
or thrown into isolation
the first thought of a man
imprisoned, sick, trodden down
is to have a companion in the same desolation
in this, Job did not sin
but most men are not Job
there is a overpowering desire
to drag others down with us
no man wants to go down alone
neither would man want to go down as a consequence of his own choice
he justifies his suffering by the collective decision of the herd
against which no individual can stand
it's the individual and the world
so intertwined, that 'I' become the world, and the world becomes me.
most people do not realize
that they suffer more when they deny their freedom
they are afraid of living life to the full
because they have never seen what the river of life has got to offer
they turn to pain and suffering
because they think that it is reality
it holds them down to the earth
being close to the earth makes one feel alive
but it a ghost of an existence most people lead
like zombies, we shuffle past the halls of life
without thinking
not wanting to think , for imagination is deadly
it makes people idealistic
idealistic people tend to fall, and when they do, they fall the hardest
they crash down to earth with a sickening thud
there are those who float because they choose not to be held down by anything
such people suffer in the aimlessness of their existence
and there are those who strap to their backs a herd of elephants
in fear of being a nowhere man
it's a dilemma demarcated by utmost anguish
for both modes of existence are inauthentic
when i choose, i choose by faith.
and by faith i stand.
0. oOo
