Monday, October 16
take a ride, let things slide.
scoffers you laugh in derision.
your laughter is without joy
from where does your mirth come?
whence was it born?
from the pain and suffering of another?
you laugh at the passionate proclamations of the poet
you laugh at the childish picture of beauty painted by the artist
there is no pain in their work
there is no evil
you laugh because the world is pure in their sight
you laugh at their ignorance.
where is the justification for your contempt?
what grounds do you have for laughter?
is your having forgotten how to love
reason enough to laugh at one
who seems foolish in his frenzied euphoria?
you laugh at people who are sentimental
you laugh at people who hold things close to their heart
only to be disappointed time and again.
you were there once
childish, jejune.
and your heart has been calloused, hardened by disappointment.
you have closed your heart
you laugh at others who are held down by love.
is that reason to laugh?
you have chosen your chains. and i've chosen mine.
if bitterness is what you have chosen to pin yourself down
i do not laugh.
instead my heart is burdened for your sake
laugh all you want at me, if it alleviates your pain
laugh if it can take away your bitterness
and free you from your grudge against the world
your heart is in pain. you are consumed by agony.
i do not laugh.
i cannot.
is this then despair?
my incapability to burst forth in childish babbling and laughter
i do not know
my heart is burdened
if sorrow is the mark of despair, then i am disconsolate
i cry out in distress and desperation
i am in anguish
laugh if you please
laugh if you find mirth in my misery
if you would only utter a single note of joy
if you would only let the truth set you free
i will too be free
free to wipe away the remaining vestiges of hatred within you.
i cannot promise you a new heart, nor a blank slate
for that is a promise only God can deliver
i can promise however,
not to judge
not to mock you when you are down
not to turn you away when you need someone
these are tall promises
and empty vessels make the most noise
so i don't ask for you to take my word for it
but i just pray that you will let me in
i am fallible, all men are.
and i'm as much in need for someone to catch me when i fall
as anyone else
someone offered me the same promise once
he caught me each time i fell
he loved me before i even knew what love is
he taught me how to love without a word
for words are not needed sometimes.
i'm merely passing on the promise he made
through the words i speak
for words are simply the instruments that i have been blessed with.
they can be warm and comforting
they can be sharp and acrimonious
they might be laced with poison
they can cut deep within a person
they can be the wall that we lean on in times of hopelessness.
why do we choose to place our hopes in false things
knowing full well that they might fail us?
does the preemption and anticipation of subsequent failure
make the consequence easier to bear?
if so, i do not understand
i do not understand how you can go about life in mock merriment and zealous haste
in my failure to understand
i am mirthless
i just let things slide
as they streak past the windows through which i view the world
i am moving like the wind
or am i?
if everything were relative to me
i would be the one stationary object in an ever-moving world
but i can never know
whether it is the world that has passed me by
or is it me
that is refusing to stop.
i don't know
perhaps one day i will shout 'stop!'
i will jump ship
that day perhaps you might see
him catch me as i fall
perhaps you might see and believe
or perhaps you might just watch in silence as you zoom past me
not wanting to comprehend anything that you see anymore.
1. oOo
