Wednesday, February 14
help! i'm going through a metaphysical crisis!
i don't mean to say that i'm turning into a schizophrenic
or some hallucinatory creature
but that metaphysics really is beyond what i can take
perhaps i can delude myself into thinking
that i'm more intelligent than i am
but the inability of my mind
to conduct the necessary mental gymnastics
will no doubt give me away
metaphysics blocks my mind up
the engine gives up with a final, involuntary tremor
a loud groan of resignation.
i am lost.
in a wilderness of infinite ideas and positions to take
for which there is no end
i am lost.
in the deluge that followed the opening of the pandora box.
i am overwhelmed.
the attacks to my little christian fortress
the million one crashing of great ideas
that batter their way through my unsteady world view.
views i cannot accept for my heart forbids me to.
views not implausible
views i thus cannot deny
views i cannot refute and therefore choose not to think about.
the result is that i lie dormant
paralyzed because i do not want to build ivory towers i cannot live within
dry bones
a desert land
crying out to God's spirit to be upon me.
to blow his breath of life like a raging wind.
to speak his truth in my quietness
to build me up so that i might be able to endure
and fight with great fortitude.
i cry for help
from afar
but God is silent
tell me
how do i come closer into your presence?
why can't i fight this invisible presence
why there exists this gap between You and i
which i cannot cross
the gap of free will i cannot take hold of
to come to you
this is what i have to lose:
my pride
tell me Lord.
how do i lose myself?
how can i.
0. oOo
